by Pax Beale

Now that I’m 86 years “young,” I look back at other things that have stood the test of longevity. Most assuredly on the list is my 1968 Rolls Royce, which appeals to my nostalgic instincts.

An amateur philosopher once said, “Things never change,” but whoever that was must have been smoking bad stuff, because everything seems to have a lifespan.

However, my body has changed considerably while waiting for my Rolls Royce to change. So far, my Rolls Royce is winning the race. I thought it would be the other way around, but I became the one to have a five-way heart bypass surgery. That’s “all the marbles!” Yet, the Rolls Royce has stood the test of time. Unlike me, it hasn’t had a motor overhaul. I’m not certain what a five-way heart bypass would be on a power laden Rolls Royce engine, but I don’t need to know, ‘cause the Rolls Royce is outperforming its owner!

Everyone told me the Rolls Royce maintenance exposure would bankrupt me, but the “R Squared,” as I call it sometimes, just won’t quit. It purrs along endlessly.

Every day when I’m driving my Rolls Royce around San Francisco, usually going from home to work (yeah, I still work over 40 hours a week), or more likely from work to any of the four commercial gyms I go to for my daily weight-resistance training workout, someone looks at my car and gives me a thumbs up…and that’s for the Rolls Royce, not for me personally. My 1968 Black and gold with a leatherette roof, my Rolls Royce just draws attention, and it makes me feel good when I get favorable response from strangers. I think the overall box shape of the vehicle draws attention, because all cars today have a sleek, slim design to slither through the atmosphere in order to get the maximum miles per gallon.

My work involves research on America’s #1 killer, heart disease. My old “bod” needed it. Through meticulous trial and error research, I’ve come up with the launch of my new business, the Body For The Ages Nonprofit’s Total Commitment Wellness Program. The program is based on heart research using five of my United States patents. (My other patents are dedicated to reversing back pain.) I’m almost as proud of my patents as I am of my Rolls Royce, because human hearts apparently need overhauls sooner than old Rolls Royce engines. Cars need overhauls also, but when they built the Rolls Royce, they built in longevity that is undeniable.

I do public speaking, and when I would cruise up to present at a heart seminar, and someone would ask me, “How do you do it?” I always thought their focus was on how I rehabbed my heart to such an extent that I’m now launching my swan song business, which targets attacking America’s #1 killer, heart disease, to help others. However, maybe they were talking about the Rolls Royce!

I’m serious when I say my new business attacks America’s #1 killer, heart disease, and that’s because in life, it’s good for one’s self-esteem to find a need and fill it. Conversely, whoever designed my Rolls Royce did a better job than the man upstairs did on the personal engine that is my heart. My 1968 Rolls Royce just won’t quit. Well, the cigarette lighter in the back seat doesn’t work. You see, the key components on the dashboard, including the radio, have to be reproduced in the back seat, because if I press a button on the front dashboard, a 100% partition emerges out of the back side of the front seat, and completely separates the front seat from the back.

No wonder I get offers all the time to participate in someone’s wedding. If I were to drive them away from the church, the newly married couple could be isolated from the driver with one press of a button.

One couple begged me to drive them away after their wedding ceremony, for just that reason, e.g. privacy in the oversized back seat of the Rolls Royce. Then they found out the automatic partition was made of clear glass, and while I wouldn’t be able to hear their post-wedding “lovebird” conversation in the back seat, when the divider went up, it was 100% see-through. They quickly lost interest in the Rolls Royce as a post-wedding exit. Makes me wonder what they had in mind to take place behind the partition, besides a confidential conversation. I’ll never know. Besides, my Rolls Royce is not for rent to haul around nice couples moments after their wedding vows, in case they couldn’t wait until they got to their hotel suite! And they did give me a thumbs up after I declined their offer to rent it for their wedding.

Driving my old Rolls Royce is a lot of fun. It makes me feel good, ‘cause it makes so many other people happy just to see me at the wheel of that car, tooling around San Francisco, everybody’s favorite city.

My wife says I’m too old to be launching a new company, but as I drive around San Francisco, I can’t help but feel that in my fourth quarter, e.g. my back nine, I’m in the perfect seat to enjoy helping people live longer…probably longer than my Rolls Royce and myself.

Come see my Rolls Royce at the Healing Arts Building at 1801 Bush Street at Octavia, and you will see why my wife says the car is worth looking at. However, she also says, “Pax, you’re not in your fourth quarter, or on the back nine; you’re in overtime!”

Meanwhile, my Rolls Royce is only a child at 48 years of age, and its “heart” functions perfectly and thrives on nothing but gasoline (expensive premium…ugh!), but it has no need for costly pharmaceutical support, unlike most heart patients, including yours truly.

Onward & Upward!

Pax Beale
Body for the Ages Nonprofit